Chapter 7: Intimacy and the Practice of Prayer

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Spiritual Intimacy with God
Moving Joyfully Into the Deeper Life

What stage of relationship are you in with Christ? Are you in courtship, marriage or just meeting? Using the image of the church as the Bride of Christ, and Christ as the Bridegroom, Alice Smith delves deep into how intimacy with Christ grows. Just as God has designed you for intimacy in marriage he longs for intimacy in spirit with you.

Chapter 7

Intimacy and the Practice of Prayer

D. L. Moody is remembered for saying that every great move of God can be traced to a kneeling figure. I’m convinced that Moody is correct and that your move toward intimacy is dependent on practicing the discipline of prayer. Therefore, though we touched on the subject in Chapter 6, I want to spend some extra pages sharing some keys I’ve used to unlock this power in my life.

Prayer Has a Head Connection

You know the old adage: “I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off.” Well, it’s true! When a chicken’s head is chopped off, it will race frantically about for a while, but eventually it will simply collapse. Frankly, nothing could more accurately describe the prayerless Christian. We were born to stay connected to the Lord through prayer, and without his headship, our frantic efforts to look effective will drop lifelessly to the ground.

Prayer is connecting your body to his head. You can’t persevere in great things for God until you connect with your great God in prayer. Philippians 2:5 says, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” Can you believe it? He will give us his mind if we diligently press into his presence in prayer. Then, it’s no longer me, but Christ in me who is praying.

When you have the mind of Christ, you don’t have to strive to hear his voice—it just flows. Conversely, when you have a blockage, you feel like Job who wrote, “If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling” (Job 23:3).

Nothing prevents us more from finding him and dwelling in his presence than a stronghold of unbelief. Permit me to explain. A stronghold is an impenetrable mindset, or house of thoughts, sometimes even a generational pattern of thinking that refuses change. At the root of this stronghold is a belief system of lies that sets self up as the authority rather than God. And when we are steeped in lies, we knowingly or unknowingly believe and behave in a way other than the way of faith that will accomplish God’s results. The truth is that the spirit of unbelief will either cancel the power of faith, or faith will cancel the power of unbelief—but faith and unbelief cannot coexist. Therefore, when we have a stronghold of unbelief, we cannot have the mind of Christ.

Many of the people Moses led out of Egypt did not enter into the Promised Land because they had a spirit of unbelief. Hebrews 3:19 says, “They were not allowed to enter his rest because of unbelief.” And Hebrews 4:2 says, “The message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not combine it with faith.” When we pick and choose which parts of the Bible we will believe, we give the spirit of unbelief an opportunity to create a stronghold that destroys our ability to have intimacy.

Several years ago, I was teaching at a three-day conference. During the Friday-night ministry session, a beautiful young Scandinavian woman came forward for prayer. Talk about stoic. I felt as though I was praying for a stone. I knew I didn’t have time to deal with the root of her need that first evening so I prayed a short prayer for her and told her to come back on Saturday.

The following day I prayed, “Lord, please show me the root of this woman’s problem.” When I put my hands on her shoulders, I sensed the Lord saying that she had succumbed to a spirit of unbelief. I asked, “Have you or any of your family members struggled with atheism?” The woman confessed that both her father and grandfather had been atheists.

I asked her to renounce the spirit of unbelief and lies that produce doubt and confusion. Suddenly she began shaking violently and fell to the ground. Moments later, like a switch turned on, she was laughing and light hearted. With a broad grin across her face, she exclaimed, “I feel God’s love!”

Often those challenged with a stronghold of unbelief have had a traumatic experience with a father figure and have transferred that fear to God. Their hearts then have been hardened to the Lord so that intimacy can’t be cultivated without prayer and soaking in God’s truth.

People who are struggling with a spirit of unbelief are constantly dealing with negative self-talk and convincing themselves that they are unworthy to be loved or to receive from God. That lie takes up residence in the heart and becomes a stronghold that prevents intimacy. If you are dealing with the stronghold of unbelief, please open you eyes and make the following declaration with me:

“I renounce you, spirit of unbelief and spirit of lies, and I command you to leave my life right now. I break all covenants, vows, and agreements with you. I decree and declare that I am no longer bound by your deception. I decree and declare that God’s Son has set me free and that I am free indeed. In accordance with God’s Word, I announce and proclaim that nothing is impossible with God, therefore, I am free to hear his voice and experience his love now.”

If you have made this declaration, I encourage you to watch your words. Start confessing positive statements such as, “God loves me.” And, “I am loveable.” And, “God desires to share his heart with me.” The following are some scriptures to memorize:

• Everything is possible for him who believes (Mark 9:23).

• I am complete in Christ who is heard over all principalities and powers (Col. 2:9).

• God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us (Eph. 3:20, The Message)

• Finally, brothers whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Phil. 4:8).

As you choose to replace the lies you have believed with the truth of God’s Word, your feelings will catch up with your words and your intimacy will grow—big time! Believe me!

Prayer Requires a Guide

None of us have the ability to get to God without help. I’m reminded of an occasion in the early 70s when Eddie and I had the privilege of meeting Mrs. James Stewart, the wife of the late author and evangelist Dr. James Stewart. Elderly, but still beautiful, Mrs. Stewart proudly affirmed a story told by the visiting preacher at the meeting we attended. The preacher retold it as if Mr. Stewart were speaking.

“One afternoon I was visiting a famous European art gallery by myself. I was keenly disappointed and totally bored. I thought to myself, Why do people come from all parts of the world to visit this place? Sometime later I was invited by believers in that city to tour the same gallery as their guest. I wasn’t very enthusiastic about it, considering my past experience. However, our host employed a guide, and under his skillful instruction, the paintings and tapestries in the gallery came alive. I was thrilled beyond words! I kept repeating, ‘Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!’ I asked one of the hostesses in the group what the difference was between this visit and my previous visit. She thought for a moment, and then with a beaming face said, ‘I see it now. It was the guide!’”

We can’t develop an intimate prayer life apart from the Holy Spirit. He is the guide. Ask him to create a hunger in you for more of God--then get ready to be satisfied. Ask him to guide your time in prayer. The Lord has promised that he will: “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” Ask him to get away with you; he will not disappoint you.

Practice Solitude

And speaking of getting away with him, Jesus taught us by example that intimacy is developed in the solitude of prayer. To be close to anyone, we must spend time alone with that person.

Solitude is a hardship when approached from a position of works, but when it is approached from a position of friendship, its absolute joy. Jesus said that he is a “friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24), but we often hurry through life so fast that we forget to take our Friend with us. The distance between where we started out with him and where we end up then creates a void of loneliness. That’s when solitude in prayer is replaced with loneliness of heart. He doesn’t initiate the way back into closeness; we must choose it. The Bible says in James 4:8, “Draw near to him and he will draw near to you.” Many of the Church’s greatest hymns are the outcome of solitude, such as “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” Here is the story.

“Joseph Scriven watched in shock as the body of his fiancée was pulled from the lake. Their wedding had been planned for the next day. Reeling from the tragedy, he made up his mind to immigrate to America. Packing up his belongings in Dublin, Ireland, he sailed for Canada, leaving his mother behind. He was about 25 years old.

Years later, in 1855, he received word that his mother was facing a crisis. Joseph wrote this poem and sent it to her. Mrs. Scriven evidently gave a copy to a friend who had it published anonymously, and it quickly became a popular hymn, though no one knew who had written it.

Meanwhile, Joseph fell in love again. But tragedy struck a second time when his bride, Eliza Catherine Roche, contracted tuberculosis and died in 1860 before their wedding could take place.

To escape his sorrow, Joseph poured himself into ministry, doing charity work for the Plymouth Brethren and preaching among the Baptists. He lived a simple, obscure life in Port Hope, Canada, cutting firewood for widows, giving away his clothes and money to those in need. He was described as “a man of short stature, with iron- gray hair, close-cropped beard, and light blue eyes that sparkled when he talked. Ira Sankey later wrote:

Until a short time before his death, it was not known that he had a poetic gift. A neighbor, sitting up with him in his illness, happened upon a manuscript copy of “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” Reading it with great delight and questioning Mr. Scriven about it, he said that he had composed it for his mother, to comfort her in a time of special sorrow, not intending that anyone else should see it. Some time later, when another Port Hope neighbor asked him if it was true that he had composed the hymn, his reply was, ‘The Lord and I did it between us.’”¹

Solitude with God will eventually bring public honor, and things done in obscurity will always be brought out into the light.

Prime the Time

I’ll never forget the summers growing up when we would visit my Uncle Bill and Aunt Claire Day, who lived on a farm in Nacogdoches, Texas that had no indoor plumbing. Sometimes in order to get the water flowing, we would need to prime the pump by adding water to it. Uncle Bill would pour water into the dry shaft. Then as he would thrust the handle up and down, the suction displaced the air, and water flowed freely from the deep water reservoirs below the surface of the earth. Similarly, when God is not flowing through our prayers, there are things we can do to prime the spiritual pump.

The Bible says, “David encouraged himself in the Lord his God” (1 Sam. 30:6, KJV). Just two verses later we read, “And David inquired of the Lord, Shall I pursue after this troop? Shall I overtake them? And he answered him, ‘Pursue: for thou shalt surely overtake them, and without fail recover all.’” By priming his spirit during a difficult time, prayer began and later in verses 18 and 19, we read that everything David had lost was restored.

Perhaps you are having trouble getting started in prayer. Let me encourage you. Worship. Read a book, a devotional, a Scripture. Praise. Reflect on past victories. Any of these can be used to restore the flow of prayer. Allow the Holy Spirit to show you how to encourage yourself in the Lord and prime the time for intimacy.

Realize that Prayer is Communion

My intimate experiences with the Lord have grown and changed throughout the years. So will yours. Jesus can’t reveal everything to any of us at once; we grow closer to him over time. However, “prayer” is the word we use for having communion with Christ.

We tend to think of Communion as relegated only to the Lord’s Supper. The act sounds rather formal and somber; however, Jesus offers the broken bread and poured out wine so that we will “re”-member ourselves as part of his body. In other words, it’s a way of examining our hearts and wherever we have felt disconnected, allowing him to show us how to make the connection again. We must remember to “re”-member for the purpose of staying intimate. I recommend that you experience a personal “Lord’s Supper” as often as possible.

And there is much more about the word “communion” that I want to cover here as a means of developing intimacy through prayer. For example, prayer is not just the quiet time spent in your prayer closet; it also includes making the Lord a part of your daily conversations. Assume his constant presence with you. Ask him to minister to people around you and through you. Ask him for revelation and counsel in every detail of your life. Hey, you can even ask Jesus to help you find a parking spot! Let all of your life become your prayer so that he communes with you and you commune with him about everything.

My friend, pastor and author, Dutch Sheets explains “communion” in this way:

“Second Corinthians 13:14 says, ‘The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you all.’ The word fellowship here is koinonia and is rich with meaning, as can be seen in the following definitions: The word koinonia implies that the Holy Spirit wants intimacy with us. This very word is used in 1 Corinthians 10:16 to describe the Lord’s Table, the bread and the wine. This is appropriate since it is the Lord’s shed blood and broken body that brings us into covenantal, intimate communion with Him.

The Holy Spirit wants to commune with us. He has much to say if we choose to listen. He is the means to all revelation from God. He is the Teacher. He is a part of the Godhead we’re to be in relationship with. Let him fellowship and commune with you. At times his fellowship with you requires no speaking. Some communion is heart to heart. At times I crawl up to God for a look. Just knowing he is looking back is enough. At other times he shares his heart while I’m gazing.

There is an amazing picture of this sort of intimacy reflected in the following scriptures: The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him, and He will make them know His covenant (Ps. 25:14, italics mine).

The words “secret” and “intimacy” are translated from the same root Hebrew word cowd, which means “couch, cushion, or pillow.”²

The picture is one of two intimate friends laughing and talking at lunch in a crowded restaurant, oblivious to their surroundings, lost in their conversation. Or, it reminds me of my teen slumber parties. Late at night, we girls would put on our PJ’s, grab our pillows, and sit in a circle to talk, laugh, and tell stories. The Lord desires this same kind of “snuggle close” friendship with you, as if all of your life were an intimate prayer to share together.

Intimates Listen

And speaking of sharing, have you ever known a person who simply wouldn’t tolerate the idea of being quiet? I have. I was acquainted with a woman who talked so incessantly that I wondered how she ever developed intimacy with anyone. Perhaps her constant babbling stemmed from her insecurity, or the fact that she had to be in control at all times. I don’t know. But I do know that good friends listen, especially those who want to live prayerfully close to the Lord.

I often laugh to myself as I watch my friend’s dog, Chester, mindlessly run off while she chases and continues to call his name. He behaves as if he is completely deaf. But when she shouts, “Let’s go bye-bye!” he turns on a dime and dashes for the car. Sadly, the body of Christ is often just as selective with its hearing as that little dog. We get so used to tuning God out that when he has something special to speak into our lives; we’re too distracted to hear him.

At least five times in the New Testament we read, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” It doesn’t say let him talk, but hear. If only we the Church would learn to listen. Listening is always key to developing intimacy in prayer!

Prayer Differs From Intercession

I am often asked, “What is the difference between prayer and intercession?” Let me start by saying that you can pray without intimacy, but you cannot intercede without it. Intercession is praying the burdens of God’s heart. Prayer, however, is talking to the Lord; it is the way in which intimacy is developed. Prayer is also the way we live our daily lives in him--keeping our ears tuned toward him, sharing our thoughts with him, and practicing his presence.

Back in the 1600s there lived a man named Nicholas Herman who was greatly influenced by his parish priest named Lawrence. Young Nicholas served as a soldier and was crippled during the war. Later, he entered the monastic life and took the name Lawrence in want of emulating his mentor. After fifteen years, he worked in the sandal repair shop and eventually went to work in the kitchen washing dishes and practicing the presence of God. He shunned the limelight and sought satisfaction only in the fulfilling of God’s will, whether by suffering or consolation--it did not matter.

Brother Lawrence changed his world by demonstrating for others how to be wholly devoted and how to govern life by love without selfish views. In the book Practicing the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence says,

“There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God. Only those can comprehend it who practice and experience it. Yet I do not advise you to do it from that motive. It is not pleasure that we are to seek in this exercise. Let us do it from a principle of love, and because it is God’s will for us. Were I a preacher I would, above all other things, preach the practice of the presence of God. Were I a director, I would advise all the world to do it, so necessary do I think it, and so easy too. Ah! Knew we but the want we have of the grace and assistance of God, we would never lose sight of Him, no, not for a moment…I do not advise you to use many words and long discourses in prayer, because they are often the occasions of wandering. Hold yourself in prayer before God, like a dumb or paralytic beggar at a rich man’s gate. Let it be your business to keep your mind in the presence of the Lord.”³

I’m reminded of a dear saint of God that I knew who lived in such harmony with the Father that when we talked she had difficulty at times sorting out the conversations. She would say, “Alice, when you come to…Yes, Lord. I will tell her that in a moment…Alice, as I was saying, when you come to….” She was carrying on simultaneous conversations with the Lord and me. And because of the level of holiness on which she lived, it didn’t even seem odd to her. That, my friend, is the intimacy of prayer!